Bachelor in Paradise Season 3 Episode 1
I can’t even stand watching the opening credits. UGH.
Chris meets us in Paradise for Bachelor in Paradise Season 3 Episode 1. He reminds us of Jade and Tanner’s success in Season 2 and reminded us of their fabulous wedding.
We get intros from the twins, Nick (runner up in 2 seasons! – I didn’t watch Andi’s season), Jubilee and she tells us she has a permanent resting bitch face, Evan and reminds of us his ripped shirt, Chad (WHY) and we are reminded of all of the Chad drama, Lace and we are reminded of her crazy drunken ways, Dan the Canadian and his meatheadness and tells us he is single because he has very high standards, Amanda and her cold shoulder tops and beautiful little girls,
We start with 8 girls and 7 guys
Emily (Ben’s Season)
Haley (Ben’s Season)
Amanda (Ben’s Season)
Jubilee (Ben’s Season)
Izzy (Ben’s Season) (Who?) (Oh, pajama girl)
Lace (Ben’s Season) (she got herself some extensions!)
Sarah (Sean’s Season, and BIP 1)
Carly (Chris’s Season, and BIP 2)
Evan (JoJo’s Season)
Grant (JoJo’s Season)
Dan (JoJo’s Season)
Vinny (JoJo’s Season)
Nick (Andi & Kaitlyn’s Season)
Jared (Kaitlyn’s Season and BIP 2)
Chad (JoJo’s Season)
Amanda and Nick find each other on the beach, and they seem to be into each other. Jubilee and Evan arrive uneventfully. Amanda and Jubilee call Evan the penis guy until they learn his name, and both agree he is cuter in person. Vinny makes a grand entrance by shouting. Carly comes in next, back for more Paradise. We are reminded of her drama with Kirk. She tells us she is going to test drive some cars here….um we know what you mean! Grant is up next. Dan arrives next. He is not impressed with the girls. Nothing he would touch without a couple of drinks. Nice, nice. Nick says if Chad doesn’t come down the stairs eating a sweet potato he will be disappointed LOL! Sarah arrives next again for more Paradise, since she saw it really work. Dan wants more succulent fruit that is less bruised. Jerk. Like he is so amazing. In walk the twins, and he is so glad.
Dan and one of the twins chat by the water.
Izzy is the next single looking to mingle.
Izzy and Dan walk off and chat, and he asks how old she is and she says 25, and he says 21? He is clearly not interested in her due to her age. Izzy gracefully, gets away from him.
Lace gets there now, we will see how much progress she has made. There is some kind of drama about what she wants to drink, but I really didn’t catch it.
There are frolicking people in the water…Jared arrives. Jubilee is telling Amanda there is one person she is waiting for….and it seems Jared may be it.
Jared and Sarah walk off.
They really play up, Chad coming. And have things crashing and breaking. And Chad is here. Dan is exciting, someone not bruised or washed up. Izzy is excited to meet Chad.
Chad and Lace have an instant attraction. According to Lace, two crazies don’t make a good relationship.
Chris calls everyone together, he says there is no catch to this. You are looking for love. Each week there will be date cards and a rose ceremony, no rose – you go home. This week the guys will hand out the roses, one lady will go home this week, next week the ladies will hand out the roses. The twins are a package deal, if you offer one twin a rose, the other stays too.
Evan is already trying to poke the Chad bear, and is poking around his luggage. Not a good idea.
Jubilee gets the first date card. “Choose the man you would like to hit it off with”. She decides to ask Jared. She walks out and asks Jared, and he blushes and says yes. One of the twins is upset, as she was interested in Jared.
Grant and Lace seem to be hitting it off. She is already showing her crazy. Reminds me of “you didn’t look at me”. Lace is playing the field, and is with Chad now. Dan says – the two crazy people – maybe a match made in hell. Um yeah. Chad and Lace make out.
The rest of the cast, is chatting it up that the two craziest people are together and it will be an explosion. Lots and lots of yelling. Chad says Lacy can give it back to him, worse than he can! ABC will certainly give these two a spin off show.
Izzy and Vinny definitely an item. Vinny said, he didn’t want to be in too deep on the first night.
Lace and Chad, break up. At least so it seems, Carly tells us this is the shortest relationship in all of Bachelor history. 2 crazy people, that are very drunk, and very horny – never a good thing.
Dan goes and checks in on Chad, and says he is scaring a lot of people there. All he can do is shout No, several times. Sarah calls Chad out on his shit. Says he is so disrespectful. He says something to her about being one armed, and said either, he leaves or she does. She storms off, crying and everyone goes after her. Evan tries to talk to Chad, and he physically pushes him. How much alcohol would it take for a man of Chad’s size to be swaying and slurring words…Chad turns on Dan, and starts pushing him around and swinging. Chad ends up passed out snoring on the ground with a crab.
Izzy and Vinny are together. Lace and Grant and Jubilee and Jared went on a date.
Chad is the main topic of conversation, naturally.
Chad wakes up with nothing on, and doesn’t remember why.
He rolls onto the beach, and the group is there, and he says, does anyone have any water – and crickets.
Chad doesn’t understand how people are offended by him, he says he is offended by them being offended. He says the only person who should be offended is Army McArmerson. OMG What a jerk!
Chris comes and calls everyone together and tells them, that it has been brought to his attention that things got out of control last night. Chris asks Chad what happened. Sarah speaks up and says he is so disrespectful to everyone. Chad says, that he was attacked. Chris stops him, and says this is a second chance for everyone at love, and a second chance for him. Chris says he had a chance to turn over a new leaf, and you didn’t. You need to leave. He also apologizes to everyone there, that they thought it could be different. Chad literally is like WHAT?
Chad tries to blame Lace, and walks out with Chris cursing and throwing things around. CHRIS needs security!
Jubilee with Jared – they end up going into this huge area with piñatas. They are sitting there minding their own business and this creepy clown came sneaking up on them. CLOWNS are awful!! I hate them! Though the clowns rendition of what the thinks he happening in the house was HILARIOUS!
I wish I knew how to post gif files!!
Who Went Home
We don’t get a rose ceremony, a big To Be Continued – so really just Chad went home.
The previews show there will be more Chad drama. Really? ABC?